


Get the Picture

by kappamaki33



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: F/M, Geek Love, Humor, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-10
Updated: 2010-05-10
Packaged: 2017-10-15 04:00:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/156835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kappamaki33/pseuds/kappamaki33
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone from the <em>Pegasus</em> really likes Felix Gaeta.  He receives a gift that he and Dee decide to turn into a business venture.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Get the Picture

**Author's Note:**

> [](http://puszysty.livejournal.com/profile)[**puszysty**](http://puszysty.livejournal.com/) 's prompt: "Felix going through the Pegasus porn stash."

Dee clicked the dial and connected with a call from...the tactical station?

“Dee!” Felix whispered.

“Felix, what the hell are you doing _calling_ me? I’m less than ten feet away!”

“Can you get O’Malley to watch your station for about five minutes? I need someone to stand guard.”

“Over _what_?” Apparently, one too many double-shifts had finally driven Felix insane.

“Just get over here.”

Before she could protest further, Felix ended the call. Of course, now Dee’s curiosity was piqued. And even if Felix was just going crazy, she wanted a front-row seat for that show. She got Ensign O’Malley to cover for her, then went over to the tactical station.

Felix greeted her with a furtive, “Is Colonel Tigh looking this way?”

She looked over at the command table. Colonel Tigh wasn’t sipping from a flask today, but only because he had come to duty pre-plastered. “I don’t think the Colonel will be a problem.”

Felix threw a skeptical look over his shoulder in Tigh’s direction. “Okay, but keep an eye on him anyway. And anybody else who comes within range.”

“Within range—what?”

Felix looked at her through narrowed eyes. “You remember when the _Pegasus_ sent over their library?”

“Yes.”

“Well, when they did, I made a joke.” Felix shook his head, like he’d decided that wasn’t the best way to explain. “The _Pegasus_ sent over three more discs on this morning’s shuttle run, with a note apologizing for having forgotten these. I put the discs in the drive to upload the contents to our system. The first one seemed completely normal—books, legal records, musical recordings, photographs of famous artwork. But when I looked at the second disc....”

Felix typed in something and pointed at the screen.

Dee’s jaw dropped. “Felix! What the—”

“ _Now_ you see why I was so cloak-and-dagger about this?”

Dee only nodded, eyes wide and fixed on the screen. “Somebody on the _Pegasus_ really likes you.”

Felix nodded. “Now, we need to find a computer with a color printer.”

“What?”

Felix continued to flip through the image files. “There aren’t enough computers left in existence for us to sell these as electronic files. We need to make hard copies.”

“Sell?”

Felix was confused at her surprise. “Yeah. Why did you think I called you over? If we can figure out a way to take advantage of this, we’ll have enough cubits for drinks on _Cloud 9_ for the rest of our lives. Hell, we can retire and _live_ on _Cloud 9_.”

“Doesn’t the lab have a color printer?”

Felix’s face darkened. “No. And even if it did, I’d rather not use Dr. Baltar’s computer for this.”

“Don’t want to compromise your professionalism, huh?” Dee said wryly.

“Something like that.”

“I still don’t see why you pulled me over here. It’s not like I have a printer stashed under my bunk.”

Felix smirked. “ _You_ may not. But you know someone who does.”

Finally, it all clicked.

~~**~~**~~

Gaeta and Dee both pulled their legs up onto the bed so Billy had room to wheel the computer into the room between his bed and the bulkhead. As it was, the bed alone barely fit into the cubby that served as Billy’s quarters—hell, _Billy_ barely fit in Billy’s quarters—but they had insisted that privacy was of the utmost importance.

“All right. You’ve got your computer. Now will one of you please tell me what’s up?” Billy asked.

Gaeta grinned. “I think it might be more effective to _show_ you.”

Gaeta sat cross-legged on the bed and turned on the computer. He slipped a disc into the drive and typed. Moments later, a slideshow popped up on the screen.

Billy’s eyebrows disappeared under his curls. “Where the frak did you find that much _porn_?”

Gaeta’s grin grew wider. “Apparently, somebody on the _Pegasus_ really likes me.”

The three of them stared at the panoply of dirty images scrolling across the screen.

“My gods, that’s Marlie May, Nymph of the Year for ’64,” Billy breathed.

“Did you have her taped to the ceiling in your childhood bedroom, Billy?” Gaeta smirked, pausing the slideshow for him.

“Kept her under my pillow until Mom went on an unannounced laundry spree,” Billy murmured. “There’s something extremely comforting, knowing this image still exists. It’s like finding out the Venus di Antioch is safe in a crate on one of the storage container ships.”

Gaeta started up the slideshow again, this time clicking through the images manually. There was a wide variety, something for every taste and almost every kink.

“Hey, quit flipping past the women so fast,” Billy finally complained. “It’s not all about what _you_ want.”

Gaeta blushed. “Oops, sorry. I guess I got a little excited.”

They watched for a few more minutes. Just when Billy was about to sum up the courage to say to Dee that although he was grateful for the porn, why exactly had she brought Gaeta along, because really, that thing he’d said about a threesome had been a joke, Dee spoke up. “Wait a minute. Felix, go back to that last one.”

Gaeta paused the show. “Really? I thought that one was boring, even for hetero stuff.”

“Gaeta, just go back.”

Gaeta grumbled and went back to an image of a naked man pushing a naked woman up against a wall. For once, Billy had to agree with Gaeta; it wasn’t exactly one of the good ones. The two were hot enough, but taking the picture from that angle meant the guy was covering up most of the good stuff, and they weren’t even really _doing_ anything yet.

“Look,” Dee said, pointing to something grainy in the background. _That_ is a causeway hatch on a battlestar.”

“What?” Billy and Gaeta said simultaneously.

Dee looked at them both. “At least some of this stuff is homemade.”

The entire tenor of their watching changed. Gaeta clicked through quickly, looking for familiar backgrounds and faces. They hadn’t interacted with the _Pegasus_ crew enough to recognize everyone yet, but they still managed to make quite a few interesting discoveries.

“Doesn’t that look like the guy who came over on the first shuttle with Cain?” Dee asked at one point.

Billy took a closer look at the girl in that photo. “Oh my gods, I’m never going to be able to look at Lieutenant Thomas the same way again when she flies the shuttle to _Galactica_.”

Dee gave him a look of _you damn well_ better _look at her the same way you always did_ and was about to voice that opinion when Gaeta interrupted.

“Holy frak!”

Billy and Dee leaned in. Billy supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised to find that it was a photo of two guys, but he couldn’t help but be a little disappointed.

Dee continued to stare. “I don’t get it. I mean, the one guy is pretty hot, but considering what else we’ve seen—”

“No, the other guy,” Gaeta said.

“Huh?”

Billy took a better look, and then it made sense. “Look farther down, Dee.”

She did. “ _Oh._ ” She thought for a moment, then asked, “I know the whole...endowment issue is important to men, but...I mean, doesn’t there come a point where a dick is more intimidating than sexy? Granted, I know some of the stuff we do is different, but I look at that, and all I can think of is how uncomfortable a blow job would be.”

Gaeta shook his head. “Maybe you have a point when it comes to porn star levels of endowment, but for normally well-endowed? It’s still totally worth it. Besides, I prefer to see that as a challenge rather than intimidation.”

Billy cleared his throat. “Uh, guys? I recognize that watching porn together is kind of a recipe for awkwardness, but you don’t have to make it worse than it is.”

Gaeta nodded apologetically. “The point is, Hung Like an Elephant flirted with me, and now I’m kicking myself for not having flirted back.”

“Why didn’t you?” Dee asked.

“Like you said, he doesn’t really draw the eye at first. You know, guys who like tits have it so much easier. You can tell so much about that as soon as you meet a girl. But with dicks, it’s kind of like a Saturnalia present: you don’t know what you’re getting until you unwrap it.”

Billy gritted his teeth. “Not helping with the awkwardness thing, Gaeta.”

Gaeta winced. “Right. It’s time to get down to business, anyway. Dee and I would like to make you a co-adventurer in a...entrepreneurial opportunity.”

Billy had been around politicians long enough to spot a euphemism when he saw one. “You want to start a porn distribution ring, right?”

“Told you I have a smart boyfriend,” Dee teased Gaeta.

“What exactly would I have to do?”

Gaeta narrowed his eyes. “We know there are printing facilities in _Colonial One_ ’s hold. Printing facilities that you have access to, since you print governmental and election materials for the President.”

Billy’s jaw dropped. “Oh, no. No. President Roslin may be happy to be alive, but she’d have no compunctions about killing me for using government property to start a porn ring.”

“Oh, come on, Billy,” Dee said.

“No! I don’t care what kind of sexual favors you bribe me with.” He almost retracted that statement when Dee gave him a look that somehow combined disbelief and seductiveness.

Fearing that he might never have sex again, either because Dee would make his life miserable if he didn’t agree to help or because the President would have certain parts of his anatomy removed if he did, Billy wracked his brain for a solution. “Wait! I’ve got it! We impounded the printer the Cylon supporters were using to print out their propaganda.”

“And you can get that for us?” Dee asked.

“That sort of treason, I’d be willing to commit.”

Gaeta stood up and shook Billy’s hand. “Glad to have you on board in this venture. Consider this a small token of my gratitude.” He handed Billy a copy of the porn disc, which Billy accepted reverently. “And now, if you two lovebirds will excuse me, I have a shuttle to the _Pegasus_ to catch and a flirtatious lieutenant to track down.”

“Good luck!” Dee called as Gaeta left.

When they were alone, Billy said, “That thing about me not caring what sexual favors you bribed me with—I didn’t really mean that.”

Dee laughed. “You really frakked that one up. You’re supposed to bargain for favors _before_ you finally cave.”

Billy gave Dee that goofy smile of his that he knew always melted her resistance. “Forgive me?”

Dee lay back on the bed and pulled him down with her. “I think I can manage that.”

Billy leaned in to kiss her. “Maybe even forgive me the way Lieutenant Thomas was ‘forgiving’ that marine?”

Dee chuckled. “Don’t press your luck, Billy.”


End file.
